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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

How to survive an alien invasion

It's a bird! It's a plane No, it's... an alien space ship? There comes a time in everyones life when they are forced to consider what they would do in an invasion of extraterrestrial beings. Would you hide? Would you fight? Would you wait on the men in black to do their job? Through much consideration, I have devised a plan for survival in the case of an alien invasion. My plan is to flee.

No, I do not mean to go running, screaming through the streets causing mass confusion and terror. If the aliens invade earth, the most logical, obvious and practical option is to just leave. Pack up your family, your dog, your xbox, and grandma and get the heck out of there!

When the mass public becomes aware of alien life on planet earth, the men in black are no longer doing their job. And if Will Smith can no longer handle the alien invasion, do you really want to stay on planet earth? No. No you don't.

You don't want to stay on earth. The aliens have clearly left their planet vulnerable. This is an excellent opportunity! So, How would I survive an alien invasion? The answer is simple. In case of an alien invasion, dust off your space gear and fill rocket. When aliens take earth, take to space! The world of man is polluted. Global warming is real! DO not try to tell me that saving earth is better than racing space ships and mastering the arts of the Jedi! Leave the alien invasion to Dr. Who and just take a long, out of this world vacation.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

school

First day back to school is always a lot of fun (I guess. this was actually my first time "back") I have a few rules for setting the pace for the school year and announcing myself to the classroom.

Rules:

1. find something profound your psych professor says and disagree. Start up a debate, even if you know you are wrong and WIN. example:

Prof. Kim: "If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it. Does it still make a sound? show of hands."
The whole class room (except for me) *raises hand*
Prof. Kim(clearly not seeing my limp hand) "So does anyone think it doesn't make a sound?"
Me: "I!!" *raises hand and stands up on chair* (When you are the only one, be sure to make yourself seem bigger)
Prof. Kim: "Ohh... umm... why do you say that?"
Me: well... I don't actually know, but I needed to make a splash in this class.... say something profound! "If you can't hear it... is it actually a sound? The definition of 'sound' is 'noise' or 'The sensation stimulated in the organs caused by hearing'. so if nobody hears it, it isn't sound."
Prof Kim: ".... that's right!"

Rule #2. Confuse the your English comp professor.


There is an unspoken rule in college: Sit in the same seat. Always. no matter what. this allows for the professors to associate you with a wall, window or table you like to sit by. I theorize that this will affect how your professor feels about you based on whether you choose to sit in his direct line of vision, by the ugly picture of hands on the wall, or in the sunlight so he can never see you without squinting. I decided to switch things up. First I sit in the back (twice... just to confuse him) then I move to the front. Then I move to the seat I sat in all of last semester. Walking into class on day 4 and 3rd seat, the professor decides to address my rebellion against "the rule".
Professor Cleek: "Umm... Mikaela, do you feel more 'at home' back at your old desk?"
Me: "Well, I just like to switch it up. I can never tell if you know my name because you actually know my name or if you know my name because I always sit in the same seat when you call role."
Prof. Cleek: "Actually I remember you as the girl who claimed to write an entire novel in 15 days, introduced yourself to the class as "Felicia Fancybottom", and wrote an essay about why Bigfoot was real."

Pshh.. yeah I did!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The Lord of the Jungle Book Land

IT is tradition in the Spaulding household to read a bed time story before putting the littles to bed. We have read through Dr. Doolittle, the Chronicles of Narnia, Huckleberry Finn and the current favorite: The Jungle Book. In a house of 12 kids, it is sometimes hard to keep your stories straight and this led to some confusion at the dinner table tonight.

Shannyn: "I have a pet dragon."
Elyse: :"Does is say 'RAWR'?"
Shannyn: "No, it camouflages. it says "Baaa" (We live on a dairy goat farm for anyone who didn't already know.)
Shannyn: "I feed it goats."
Mom: "one of the animals in the jungle book eats goats. Khan maybe."
Me: "Ohh I remember that book. My favorite character was the cobra that ate all the monkeys!"
Kyndra: "It was a boa."
Mom: "AHH!!! We haven't gotten that far yet!"
Me: "It wasn't a boa. it was a cobra and it ate all the monkeys after ripping down a wall and hypnotizing them all."
Kyndra:"Do you remember that one 'Jungle Book' movie where the boa was more like a dragon and it burrowed under the gold in the cave and ate people who came for the gold?"
Me "OHHH YEAH! Except for that one little guy who he couldn't see. Then the dragon snake woke up and flew out of the cave and the man in the water town shot him with his special arrow and he fell into the river and died."
Shain: "OH right and then the elves and goblins got in a fight and the dwarves died and then the eagles came and took moglei back to his town where he adapted and learned to live with the people."
Shannyn: "But then he went mad and chased a rabbit into a hole and got little."
Mom: "Then big."
Me: "then little again."
Shain: "And there was a war with the wicked queen and the mad hatter."
Me: "Off with he head - the end"
Kyndra:"...I don't think it happened that way. you guys must have your stories mixed up."

Somebody look it up. I'm pretty sure we fit Lord of the Rings, The Jungle Book and Alice in Wonderland all into one 6 minute conversation